Earthbound (SNES - Released 1995)

This little hidden gem wasn't very hidden at all back in 1995. It was in many of your fine retail stores (anyone remember when Sears used to have a video games section? It's true.) it came in a ginormous box, packed with it's own strategy guide and hours of entertainment.

Earthbound is renowned the world over for it's wacky humor and off-color jokes. I honestly don't think any of these town-folk are serious, and I'm not sure if anyone but the HINT GUY has a clue where they are. Every NPC in EB is on lsd or something. That alone makes this a standalone RPG of the year. Released a month before Chrono Trigger, EB shared shelves with that excellent RPG in the rental stores for many moons. I remember going to blockbuster and seeing them on the same aisle of games. It's still hard to believe SNES cartridges were rent-able back then. Fuck, I'm getting old.

Synopsis:

Four young children save the planet from the evil alien conqueror known as Giygas. The main character of this game, Ness, is featured in Super Smash brothers years later, but in his game he was beating stray dogs with baseball bats and digging thru trash cans for treasure! He meets Paula, who's really a white Miss Cleo, Jeff, a virgin, and Poo.. the ninja. Poo. They fight aliens and people controlled by the influence of Giygas.



Full Description: Earthbound - Wikipedia

The Good Points:

This game is fucking hilarious. Some of the shit people say is out of this world. No really, this guy in Fourside, "I have no patience for people who interrupt me when I'm busy doing nothing!". What a pompous ass. You jerkface, I need to know where to go next and you're busy doing jack shit? Hmm.. maybe I'll ask someone else. Like this guy twirling down from the sky.. with.. a camera. "Say, 'fuzzy pickles!'". Yeah.. you have to play this to believe it.

The battle system isn't unlike many of the other RPGs classic with that era, and is very solid for this game. Pick attack, pick PSI abilities, items are there too, and your various array of other tactics. The game features trippy backdrops when you get into a fight. Every fight scene in EB is Saturday night at the dive bar doing rails with your old 2nd grade teacher. Your first of few encounters at the start of the game are easy. Things like garden snakes, stray dogs, crows.. the kind of shit that your mom warned you about after it was dark. Ness goes to investigate a nearby meteor that struck and meets Buzz-Buzz, a warrior from the future but a bee in Ness's world. The game gets trippy and insane from minute 10 and on.

Earthbound has some CRAZY-TRIPPY music. It's also crazy-catchy, you'll be whistling the song for riding a bike in about 2 minutes. Some notable songs are the traditionally loved Onett Theme. It's catchy, rhythmical, and awesome. And there's the music when battling Pokey, my personal favorite song on this OST, Pokey Means Business! EB's composer really liked playing around with rock and roll, jazz, blues, techno'ish stuff, and even a little heavy metal too. This soundtrack has many forms of music genres, and it's a good listen for any mood.

The best parts of this game are in it's story telling, it's classic battle scheme that's worked for countless other games, and it's sense of humor that keeps you in tears for the game's duration. It's an SNES title beyond it's time, and one of the first console games to NOT feature a "swords and castles" type story. A good part of the game is spent developing your PSI skills, abilities used in combat to hurt, distract, shield, or heal. Jeff does not use psychic abilities because he is too smart. He can instead repair broken items, spy on your enemy to learn it's HP and weakness, as well as throw some vicious bottle rockets, something that will save your ass in many boss battles.

The Bad Shit:

There's really not too much to complain about this game. I would've liked to see even more interactivity. Stuff like having soda machines that you can use (or break when you try to use them), arcades in Onett that actually WORK and you can play mini games on them or something. But for real.. I am pissed about not being able to go into the Pizza shops and walk out with a pie, serious, these people have no clue what a "carry-out" order is because they basically tell you to "GTFO my pizza shop and order delivery BIOTCH. "

It gets reeeaaaallll old when Ness's dad keeps calling to ask if he wants to take a break every hour or so. Dude, pops.. fuck off man. Where is this guy in the game anyhow? He obviously doesn't live at home, either because there's not enough bedrooms (really, go check) or because Ness's mom and dad are divorced. Either way, he never visits, and that makes Ness sad.

SPOILER ALERT! So you've made it all the way thru the game and Giygas is wiping the floor with you. What do you do? You pray. Paula whips out her bible and prays 9 times to Jebus Almightiest, and BANG Giygas hits the dust. First off, how the FUCK is the player supposed to know to do that and second, you gotta realize that Jesus just came into your game and busted Giygas in the mouth. And people say he's not real.

Conclusion:

Earthbound is a great RPG. If you were sick of the fairy tales from FF, then EB was a nice breath of fresh role-playing air. It made me laugh as a kid, and now playing it years later, i realize how perverted I and this game truly are. Thank you Nintendo. Ebay listing as high as $350 or more for box and books.

Rating:

4 / 5 Cave Skulls: One Goddamn Good Game

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Ebay Link: Earthbound SNES

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